How many of you grew up wanting to write an advice column? Okay, okay, Randy, you can put your hand down now. We all know you’re dying to be the next Dr. Phil, but this is my blog so save your gems of wisdom for the comments section.
In my lower-middle-management supervisor position, people invade my office from time to time to tell me about a “friend” who’s knee deep in kitty litter and just discovered the little treasures they’re turning over aren’t Chicken McNuggets. That’s when I refer them to authority on the subject, Tabby.
The Friday Flash Fictioneer photo for this week is courtesy of Scott L. Vannatter. To read other fascinating cat-tales visit our hostess, Raquel Wisoff-Fields blog, http://rochellewisofffields.wordpress.com/ and click on the little blue InLinz critter to find links other author’s blogs.
Dear Tabby,
My caregivers, Mistress Anne and Servant Bob, act like I don’t exist when Christmas comes. They run from one event to another like gravy through a goose, all the while ignoring the center of their universe—ME. How can I get them back in line? – Felix in Phoenix
Dear Felix,
It’s time to slam down your paw and extend the claws. A little spray in Bob’s truck or golf bag would send the message that you own him—for life. Shred a curtain and drop Anne a few unexpected gifts in hard to reach places. After all, it is the season for giving. – Tabby
Dear Rupert,
I’ve suspected as much all along. Cats are scheming and devious. Thanks for my weekly giggle.
Peace and Lovey Dovey,
Raquel
And a happy merry Christmas
Love it. Felix the cat and his bag of tricks. Is that the the one and the same?
I’m thinking he picked up some bad habits from Tabby
Ooo, how catty! Was this advice in an email or by litter…I mean letter, of course. Show them the claw in the velvet glove. Merry Catmas to all and to all a good night.
Now we know who to blame for the Great Kitty Rebellion.
Good one, Russel.
Yes, I’ve heard of the Rebellion. Wasn’t it in response to the cat drives across the prairie?
My husband is the reluctant cat poop scooper at our house. All cats belong to our daughter who is away at college. She gave him a priceless birthday card from the cats – “We left you a gift. We’re all about presentation”
gravey through a goose… yikes… such a way with words…
Ooo, I always suspected our cats own us and not visa-versa, now the truth is out! Loved this.
No shredded wallpaper? No dead mice in the bed? Or maybe that’s phase II. Nice one Russell, how we love our cats.
Somehow I always believed cats thought this way. Great job on the prompt, and the cat-channeling, too.
Here’s mine: http://unexpectedpaths.com/friday-fictioneers/bah-humbug/
Vile wretched ones! I have never liked cats.
But since they are not my pets, I quite enjoyed this… from the distance.
oh, yeah, that’s what we need. to empower cats even MORE! but you’ve characterized them accurately. well done.
evil cats! haha what horrible advice by tabby! >< haha great fun story
You write these stories so well…so glad i am not owned by a cat lol. Very well done…
What a shame if Felix doesn’t turn out to be a cat! Techniques for all of us to try. Thanks, Russell!
Well written Russell. For a second I almost forgot I WASN’T reading an advice column…Sadly, I started to formulate my own answers to the poor ignored feline’s plight. Nicely done.
Hi Russell,
Our cats do this stuff year round. We must be bad parents. The advice column format is genius. Just purrfect. Ron
HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! THIS is worth the price of admission … if there were such a thing. Great, Russell!
Mistress Anne and Servant Bob, I love that. Pretty solid advice from Dear Tabby.
Russell…would love to know from whence these unique story ideas spring and blossom? Be sure to donate your brain to science…future generations may wish to learn why it’s wired that way.
This is such a great take on the photo. Any tips from Tabby on how to be nice to humans?
Be nice to the waitstaff? I’m afraid not.
Russell,
This is a great take on the prompt. I love the idea of cats having an advice column. Thanks for the laugh. I get the feeling my cat has been writing to Tabby. REALLY well done. Merry Christmas and a happy New Year to you and yours.
Tom
I love my cat, but…
Scott